I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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