the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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