I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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