Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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