he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
