Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are we still banned from the library?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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