dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
