Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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