The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
