Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
two words...techno handjob
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
