I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
