I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They took my balls.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
