my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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