laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
