I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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