There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite