im about as happy as oj after his trial
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.