It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME