Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.

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  (314): My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control. http://tfl.nu/vcg1
  Replies (9) Good night (1044) Bad night (2935)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (2256) Bad night (766)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.

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  (212): You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido. http://tfl.nu/8t44
  Replies (36) Good night (1197) Bad night (5204)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

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  (732): That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on. http://tfl.nu/n5bj
  Replies (20) Good night (4966) Bad night (2194)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working

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  (785): my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working http://tfl.nu/fz66
  Replies (11) Good night (3484) Bad night (893)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...

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  (708): Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked... http://tfl.nu/0j0c
  Replies (8) Good night (2277) Bad night (949)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.

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  (206): You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick. http://tfl.nu/hzir
  Replies (12) Good night (2551) Bad night (935)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth

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  (412): I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth http://tfl.nu/07bl
  Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (640)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.

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  (443): okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't. http://tfl.nu/3nap
  Replies (3) Good night (1704) Bad night (454)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.

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  (828): You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium. http://tfl.nu/fgxx
  Replies (3) Good night (991) Bad night (463)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.

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  (226): I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off. http://tfl.nu/fkr9
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (985)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.

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  (360): I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top. http://tfl.nu/zeve
  Replies (11) Good night (919) Bad night (390)
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  (916): View more from California

  There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE

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  (916): There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE http://tfl.nu/puex
  Replies (2) Good night (754) Bad night (366)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.

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  (270): He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE. http://tfl.nu/8wqq
  Replies (4) Good night (857) Bad night (394)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is

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  (+44): I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is http://tfl.nu/6z22
  Replies (2) Good night (590) Bad night (254)

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