i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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