Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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  (857): Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark. http://tfl.nu/cekc
  Replies (62) Good night (2272) Bad night (1162)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.

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  (612): life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix. http://tfl.nu/ht0i
  Replies (32) Good night (760) Bad night (4882)
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  (347): View more from New York

  The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09

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  (347): The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09 http://tfl.nu/7ioy
  Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (4378)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  #1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex

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  (503): #1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex http://tfl.nu/si5x
  Replies (10) Good night (980) Bad night (3281)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

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  (719): You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job. http://tfl.nu/yqtc
  Replies (19) Good night (3427) Bad night (1485)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30

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  (763): chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30 http://tfl.nu/6e6v
  Replies (4) Good night (2232) Bad night (1090)
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  (661): View more from California

  The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.

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  (661): The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me. http://tfl.nu/fztu
  Replies (6) Good night (2280) Bad night (827)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.

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  (904): whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry. http://tfl.nu/s428
  Replies (3) Good night (1512) Bad night (1059)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...

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  (+61): Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones... http://tfl.nu/dtoz
  Replies (4) Good night (2833) Bad night (801)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit

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  (585): Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up (1-585): Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit http://tfl.nu/gck7
  Replies (6) Good night (2523) Bad night (1153)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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  (937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6
  Replies (14) Good night (1380) Bad night (3507)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.

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  (251): Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf. http://tfl.nu/98oh
  Replies (6) Good night (738) Bad night (2191)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.

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  (307): I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left. http://tfl.nu/b2xd
  Replies (2) Good night (1101) Bad night (543)
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  (585): View more from New York

  So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange

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  (585): So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange http://tfl.nu/waj5
  Replies (6) Good night (549) Bad night (438)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.

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  (479): Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual. http://tfl.nu/o63s
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (709)

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