end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.