so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.