i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
