Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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