I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
