Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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