I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
