I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
