I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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