I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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