he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize