awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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