What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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