it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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