Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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