sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
