she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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