please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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