I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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