Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
