i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
