the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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