I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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