fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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