we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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