Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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