she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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