i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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