i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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