I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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