I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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