he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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