We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
