I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
