I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
