We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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