omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
