Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
