non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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