After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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