Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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