Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
