i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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