the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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