She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
