so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please come you make the beer taste better
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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