bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
