my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
