It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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