I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
