ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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