Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
