I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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