I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
