Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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