i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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