I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
