She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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