I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
