Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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