Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
