Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
