Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
