This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize