i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
